Color Changing Card Trick

Oh ho ho ho. Watch it all the way through.

Monetary Density

"What," I hear you ask, "is monetary density?" Well, have you ever heard someone say that something is "worth its weight in gold"? As it turns out, a better turn of phrase would be "Worth its weight in LSD". Among some other interesting discoveries, the folks over at Evil Mad Scientist Labs (I'm filling out my application as we speak) have measured the weights of various items and compared it to its cost. For instance (unsurprisingly), dollar bills are the most efficient form of currency, as its weight-to-cost ratio is much higher than say, quarters. A pound of quarters is only about twenty dollars, where a pound of dollar bills is almost four hundred and fifty bucks. On the other hand, a pound of $100 bills is worth almost 50,000 dollars. It's a nice little graph, as bill currencies are divided up in neat little increments.

See? For some other neat comparisons, consider that a pound of human blood is approximately as monetarily valued as a pound of silver. Weird. Up at the far end of the spectrum, marijuana has a similar monetary density as industrial diamonds; anything from the International Space Station is worth at least $10,000; and LSD will net you about fifty-five million dollars a pound. I invite you all to look up how little it costs to manufacture the stuff, then consider the profound economical ramifications of that.

P.S.: Interesting side note: LSD was originally derived from ergot, a mold that grows on grains like rye and such. There is a school of thought that supposes that a certain points in history, bread was made from contaminated wheat, causing hallucinations and wild accusations and drowning of young women and boring plays written by Arthur Miller. And witches. Salem. I'm talking about the Salem Witch Trials. They were all trippin'.

When Falcon Punches Collide

Last night, I saw Kung Fu Hustle. It is by far the best martial arts movie based on Tom & Jerry I've ever seen. It includes, among other things, a woman screaming loud enough to tear the clothes off of two blind musician/assassins (and later using a megaphone of sorts to demolish an establishment with people inside), a man getting beaten up by an accountant on a public bus, the same man being kicked into outer space, and a scene I have actually wanted to see forever: a man having his face punched through the floor of a building. Repeatedly. Of course, the entire movie is liberally sprinkled with "boing"-esque sound-effects, causing you to wonder if you're watching a Hong Kong martial arts film or just hallucinating from lack of sleep (At one point I actually thought this. I had to get up and walk around a while). I can neither recommend nor condemn this film. It's just too wacky.

Rob Liefeld

I've long been a fan of comics, mostly because it's like watching a movie, but you're reading. So it's good for you. Or something. And I'm willing to accept that every single panel of every single page may not be stunning art-wise. But after a period of time, I expect a basic level of competence in the way an entirely visual medium looks. I find this kind of important. Which is why it shocks me to discover that Rob Liefeld can still get work. This is the man who drew this:

Now admittedly, that is the one piece that everyone points to to illustrate how bad he is at what he's paid thousands to do, but surely most of his work... Ah, I guess not. Countdown of the forty worst Liefeld drawings can be found here, complete with witty commentary. He's apparently incapable of drawing hands or feet. Enjoy. And as long as you're enjoying that, enjoy this little number I found floating around. It's conclusion pits Captain America against... REPTOID RONALD REAGAN.

You'll have to take my word for it, that's the Gipper.

P.S.: In addition to being made of win and epic (are you HAPPY, internet?), this film will be freaking A-W-E-S-O-M-E.

No Comment

God, please forgive my species. Forgive us.

Remember Animorphs?

So, I... uh, I finally got around to listening to The Beachles. Wow. That was easily the worst sound to ever make it into my earholes. I apologize.

I'm getting sick and tired of people trying to make "comedy" by appealing to things I loved when I was ten years old. Don't get me wrong, I love Captain Planet reruns as much as the next guy, but there's a difference between simply alluding to The Magic School Bus ("Seatbelts, everyone!" Ahhh, that was fun) and making a pointed comment on the relative values of Dinosaurs versus, say, Doug. I just hate it when people are like "Beetlejuice" and you start laughing just because you remember it. At least comment on the fact that the haunting theme song was composed by Danny Elfman, who also did the childhood-regressing bit of LSD-fueled mayhem that was Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. At least have something to say. Otherwise, it's just sad. Hey, remember the Bailey School Kids?

That robot cat in the Rugrats intro terrified me both as a youth and today.

Cap'n Wacky's Lists (feat. Franz Liszt)

As you may be aware, I like lists. They're a nice respite from the manner in which I usually consume my facts, namely books. Nothing wrong with books in and of itself, but sometimes I wish they would just hurry up and get to the point already. Anyway, today I bring new lists, courtesy of Cap'n Wacky. It's apparently a website or something. Here we go!

Grievances I Have With Lamp Dealers*
Guiness World Records No One Wants To Break
Jokes That Would Be Offensively Racist If Cupcakes Were A Minority Group In Addition To Being A Delicious Baked Good
Losing Candidates' Campaign Slogans*
Monsters, What Are YOU Scared Of?
Passages You Don't Want To Read In The Review Of Your Band's Latest Gig*
Pirates' Pet Peeves
Phrases That Sound Like Clichés Even Though Probably No One Has ever Said Them Before
Rejected Prom Themes*
Song Titles In Batman: The Musical
Things That Were Written On A Page From The Notebook Of The Guy Who Came Up With The Aphorism "I Wept That I Had No Shoes Until I Met A Man Who Had No Feet"
Things To Do In The Last Moments Of Your Life After You've Realized Your Parachute Just Didn't Open*
Titles Of Harry Potter Fanfic We'd Rather Not Read*
What's Your Ringtone And Why?

That is all.

P.S.: Anyone notice the resemblance between a young Carlos Santana and Richard Pryor?

I'm pretty perceptive that way.

FreakAngels

It's not too rare that one can find legitimately free stuff online. It's easy to find free music for free from legal sources nowadays, and even television shows are just lying around for people to watch (especially older stuff. I've been watching Twin Peaks. WEEEEEIRD). With the growing amount of Gutenberg Project contributors, it's getting easier to find open source books or ones with expired copyrights. But for most of us nerds, the ultimate blend of literature and art remains the elusively expensive exception to the rule. There are, of course, webcomics, but look at them.

(I love you, XKCD)

But what about people who are looking for a smart, well illustrated comic-book quality graphic novel on the blogotubes? Well, I guess you could read Lackadaisy. But what if you wanted a name behind your comic? Like, say, the name of a man who wrote the superlative Transmetropolitan or the pretty good Preacher? Then look no further than FreakAngels, about twelve psychic post-adolescents growing up after the Apocalypse. It's got sex, violence and mayhem. Not to mention it's dangerously steampunk.

That's a steam-powered helicopter. She built it herself. Check it out here.

EDIT: JEEZ! Warren Ellis didn't write Preacher. That was Garth Ennis. Wow. I'm glad no one caught that but me. Ellis did write Hellblazer however, the comic that spawned the film Constantine.

Gogol Bordello x 3

Do you like Gogol Bordello? If not, why? Discuss. For those of you who do, try on another three albums for size. Count 'em. THREE. First is Gypsy Punks: Underdog World Strike, a rather hefty title for an album. Then we have Multi Kontra Culti, a title that probably means something in some language. But best of all is the album Super Taranta!, an album wholly indistinguishable from any others with the notable exception of the fact that their best song is on it. Listen to Wonderlust King just once and I'll pay you if it isn't stuck in your head forever.*

*Offer void everywhere.

Pandora

I'm sorry if this is news to you, but it's pretty new to me, and it's getting pretty big wherever it is I am. It's Pandora, a free online radio that matches your favorite artists to others like them before playing some selected tracks. It apparently derives its algorithm from the Music Genome Project. This is really cool. The Music Genome Project was started in 2000 as an attempt to "capture the essence of music", a daunting task. Where Last.FM and other inferior websites depend on hipster-powered methodology to determine song likeness, Pandora is rooted deeply in MATH. To do what it does, each song is divided into over one hundred elements, called genes, and various songs are matched up to find similar artists and genres. Your average rock song has about 150 genes, the average rap song has over 300, and jazz has over 400. These genes can be something as simple as the gender of the lead singer to something as complex as types of lyrics (Erotic Lyrics, Abstract Lyrics, Heartbreaking Lyrics, and my favorite: Lyrics about Partying). Of course, a computer can't tell the difference between "Fight For Your Right", arguably the greatest Partying-based song ever written, and Celine Dion's decidedly non-Partying related "I Will Always Love You". You'd be right. Which is why a team of musicians analyzes each song that's been through the filter, a process that takes about twenty minutes per song. I guess they've been doing this for the past decade (almost!) and that's why there's so many songs. But I guess here's my question. Are they getting paid for this? We, as the end-users, should be paying for such a service; one that provides uncannily matched music with songs we know that we like. Plus, where's all the red tape that would be required to play music by artists without their say-so? I know for a fact that some of the artists I'm listening to as I'm writing this are not just gonna sign off on their art for nothing. It's a madhouse, a MADHOUSE! Regardless, I'm willing to listen to this stuff for as long as I can.

Oh, and if you're ever down, or feeling a little blue, just YouTube Christian the Lion. Never fails.

Brackenwood

I've spent a lot of time on the internet, and I would say that, oh, twenty, maybe thirty percent of that time has been waiting for things to load. The remaining seventy percent is split equally between reading Cracked articles, watching or listening to things that I should have paid for, telling myself to get up and go outside, writing things on here and watching Flash movies. In all that time, I've seen maybe ten Flash animations that are good enough to bookmark and watch over again. The twist is, most of them are made by the same guy. Adam Philips is a guy who is apparently too good to have an "About" page on his website, but if I may recall some information I could have possibly made up, he used to be a Disney animator and storyboard guy. This led him to the fast-paced and glamorous world of internet stardom, where he started with some awesome animation that I now look back on with disgust. Really. Compared to his newer stuff, It leaves a bad taste in my mouth. But honestly, what other Flash animator got the whistle-player from The Pogues to do a soundtrack for their movie? Honestly though, watch Waterlollies. It's easily the best animation I've ever seen (outside of things that cost money). At least watch the first running scene. If you need more proof than that:

See that? Those are prismatic water droplets. It's pretty good for a medium that usually brings you this.

Ooh, they're sticks.

EDIT: He DOES have an about page! He did work for Disney in the late 1990s, and has actually won a couple of awards for his work. Waterlollies was best movie of 2007 on Newgrounds. So, there's that. He's also apparently in talks for a Brackenwood feature-length film. I'd pay to see that. Thanks, Adam!

Kokiriko Bushi

Word up to Piers. You've clearly mastered this... INTERNET.

Also: guess who grew up?

Awww, it's cute little Dakota Fanning, who'll never grow up and will always be- SHABOOM!

And so time marches inexorably onward, terrifying us all with the knowledge that one day we will be dead and forgotten. Happy Adam Sandler's Birthday, everyone!

The Death Of The Beatles

Remember Beatallica? Here I've found other wacky Beatle derivatives. My personal favorite is The Beastles, a wicked cool album by "dj BC" blending the best of The Beatles with the best of The Beastie Boys (who I now kinda like). This is easily my favorite album, with my favorite track being "Mother Nature's Rump". Next we have "Sgt. Petsound's Lonely Hearts Club Band" by The Beachles (That's the Beach Boys, for the musically disenfranchised). Yep. Haven't heard it yet, but I'm sure it's lovely. And last, certainly least, we find "The Grey Album", a Jay-Z "Black Album" mashup with the harmonically superior "White Album". Enjoy.

Stuff I Know

Here's some stuff I know.

Niccolò Paganini was an Italian violin virtuoso, famous for being so good that people supposed that he had sold his soul for his talent. The reason for this was his flamboyant stunts. My personal favorite involves learning a popular, complex song on only three strings instead of all four. Then before the concert he would saw partly through the fourth string so it would break halfway through the piece. Undeterred, he would simply complete the piece on the three remaining strings, presumably causing people to go "WHAAAAA?!"

In the past, the small country of Bhutan has been one of the few examples of a functioning aristocracy, based on the central tenets of Buddhism. Unfortunately, the country's youth has been influenced by the creeping specter of MTV and other such side-effects of globalization. The king, realizing that his time had come to an end, decided to implement democracy (instead of flipping out and becoming a dictator. Good move, sir). Interestingly enough, the first election saw the king in power again. While not originally considered for the position, almost everyone voted for him, not wanting anything to change. Only the future will see what's going to happen to that place.

A psychology experiment done in the 1980s revealed that when someone threatens to commit suicide by jumping from a great height, the crowd that inevitably groups below is likely to discourage the jumper. However, as it gets darker or as the crowd gets bigger, the mainstream view tends to drift into the opposite direction, the direction of "JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!" This phenomenon is known as deindividuation, where the individual loses his sense of self, becoming one with the crowd. Why a hivemind is so favorable of suicide is a mystery for the ages.

And that's some stuff I know.

Chapman Stick

Does anyone remember that post I did back in March? It had a wicked awesome music video in it. Let's just watch that again.

Again, that was Tally Hall, and you can get the track "Good Day" here.

Anyway, I found a new instrument to share with you all; namely, the Chapman Stick. It was an exclusively electric instrument up until recently, when some bright spark invented the AcouStick, something that make me want to buy one even more. The appeal of the instrument lies in its versatility. It is held upright and played by tapping the strings piano-style, but given that it sounds like you're actually playing a guitar and a bass simultaneously, it is most certainly a string instrument. But the beauty of the Chapman Stick lies in its rich sound. Here's a Hendrix classic.

And here's a hopefully recognizable tune.

Also, the world's worst flag belongs to, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the Northern Mariana Islands. Click to enlarge.

Best Of Craigslist

I'd long heard of this magical place where people just hopefully... ask for stuff (and sexual favors) and then reap the online benefits; but I had never actually been to Craigslist. What a waste. All this time I could have been laughing it up hardstyle. Because there's apparently such a thing as "The Best Of Craigslist". And it's worth it. Here are a few of my favorites.

Guitarist of megalomaniacal speed seeks audience who won't combust
HENCHMEN NEEDED
Here's to you, Fat Sauna Gawker* (my favorite)
It's me! Every girl ever.*
my coke for your pot
Thanks, Mr. Hipster Record Store Clerk*
The local ten o'clock news
To All Of The Cute Girls Who End Up F*****g My Roommates
To the person who put a Rick James album on my windshield...*
To The Stoner Who Works At Cottage Inn Pizza* (my second favorite)
Why we should hang out: a mathematical proof (bonus points for the XKCD)
You were being shoved into a Dallas Police car.*
You wouldn't get this from any other guy

The starred ones are choice. And while this one stinks of bad spam mail (the kind that ends in "LIVE THE LIFE YOU LOVE, LOVE THE LIFE YOU LIVE" or some equally insipid garbage written by middle-aged ladies (no doubt surrounded by cats)) , I want it to be true. Maybe if we all close our eyes and just hope really hard, it'll come true.

P.S.: Upon spellchecking, I saw that I wrote the phrase "hardstyle" instead of "hardcore". I propose we ditch the now-outdated term in favor of this new, immensely funnier version.

Colorblind Web Page Filter

This morning I inadvertently invented the single greatest game ever. While in a singularly early class, one in which I found myself nodding off, I noticed that multiple students besides myself were yawning. By simulating a yawn just loud enough to get someone's attention, I could cause them to yawn through the well-documented phenomenon of yawn contagion. I could then track the "yawn progression" throughout the entire classroom. My high score for the morning was seven (Bonus points for getting the professor). Beat that.

I've long said I've wanted the neurological "disorder" (for lack of a better word) synesthesia, a phenomenon characterized by the inextricable linking of two senses in an involuntary manner. For instance, a person might look at a certain letter and see it as having a certain color, or in more rare cases, a discrete personality. True.

"T’s are generally crabbed, ungenerous creatures. U is a soulless sort of thing. 4 is honest, but... 3 I cannot trust... 9 is dark, a gentleman, tall and graceful, but politic under his suavity."

WOW. However, until we can upload our mental experiences to some computer and have others experience them vicariously (get to work NASA) or until they legalize LSD my hopes are nothing more than the fevered dreams of a madman. Oh well. At least I can still synthesize colorblindness.

Lackadaisy Cats

Alright, I finally have time to write something. Good for me. Today I bring you a new webcomic! And it's not just any webcomic, kiddies. This is nothing short of freaking art. And I don't say that a lot. Welcome to the world of the Lackadaisy Cats, a group of swinging felines anthropomorphically and anachronistically thrown into 1920's St. Louis. I haven't read much, but so far it seems like a really well written gangster story, except with cats. The very fact that well-written (novel-quality) storylines are available for free on this fortress of pornography and low-quality bootleg movies we call the internet is not too surprising, nor is the fact that art of this quality is being given away for free. What is surprising is that both can come together so harmoniously; and from one woman, too. Tracy Butler is nothing short of a artistic wunderkind. Observe:

Just go there. It's amazing. And also, check out the cat in the middle. MEOW.

YES.

I'll give you twenty bucks if you can explain this to my satisfaction.

Humans

One of these days, I'll write something besides a witty commentary on a YouTube vid.