Ooh, so much. Alright, well here's a ton of stuff I couldn't flesh out into full posts:
My new favorite jazzman, Lee Morgan, comes highly recommended from this Russian forum, complete with Rapidshare links. Seriously. Just get TheSidewinder (each word is a link) and listen to the title track. If that doesn't convince you, just listen to the rest of the album. Now do you see the might of the trumpet?
TRANSLATION PARTY! Yeah! Do not ask questions, just click this.
A fairly comprehensive Pixies anthology of albums. Listen to them all. If you're kinda like "maybe, I guess," then do me a favor and just listen to Surfer Rosa. It doesn't have the best Pixies songs, but it's the most consistently enjoyable album.
First things first. If any of you see someone wearing this Sargon Ivy cap, I am telling you that it's alright to hit them as hard as you can. Here's a photo of it.
Just to be clear, that's an ivy cap with an embroidered dagger on it. The dagger is intricate and fancy, and lies broken amongst the lilies. It is meant as a tribute to Sargon, a Mesopotamian king who seems kind of sick and twisted and cruel. I mean, this is a guy who "marched to Kazallu and turned Kazallu into a ruin heap, so that there was not even a perch for a bird left." I get angry at places with stupid gimmicky town names as well, but I don't flip out and torch the place. And if I did, I wouldn't want to be memorialized on a hat whose target demographic would be purchasing them for "irony".
ANYWAY! Kutiman is a DJ, musician, producer, composer, animator, and, what the hell, artist. He's been the recipient of some fairly high praise of late, with the release of "ThruYou", an album composed entirely of remixed YouTube videos. This has garnered some minor nerdy applause, but has also revealed this Israeli musician's oeuvre to US audiences.
That's the first track off of the album, "The Mother Of All Funk Chords". If you liked it (you should have), you can watch the rest on the album's website here. Enjoy.
Being such a huge fan of both the Beatles and the entire genre of jazz, I'm actually a little shocked that I'd not heard of these guys before. BeatleJazz is a band that I have been blissfully unaware of, as they scooped up some major awards and appeared on several "Top Ten Albums Of The Year" lists. Seriously?! Usually, I'm fairly hip in the ways of music, and yet they appeared at first glance to be newcomers. But they've been around for about a decade now. Am I that pathetically oblivious, or does nobody else know these guys?
Irrespective, I found all four of their albums. I love them all, but the newer two are one that have (apparently) received huge praise. These ones were released after BeatleJazz's first two albums, "A Bite Of The Apple" and "Another Bite Of The Apple". I mention them together because they were conceptually on the same level. They were released a year apart, and are often mentioned together. By the way, you'll need a RAR expander for those files. If you don't know what that is, then GOOGLE IS YOUR FRIEND. Remember that, kiddies. Google is your friend. The password is "mbmc", if that's not immediately obvious (it took me two days to crack that nut. No joke). I can't really recommend any particular songs, because I listened to these albums all in a row without checking the track names. I would, however, point you towards "I Am The Walrus". Some excellent piano work on that part that goes, "Selmolina Pilchard climbing up the Eiffel Tower." Awesome.
Their next effort, "With A Little Help From Our Friends", was a big leap in excellence, as you can tell from the sheer number of bytes it's going to take up on your hard drive. Check it:
Shazam. Three parts. That means it's three times as good. And then, you have their newest release, "All You Need". This just has twoparts, but it doesn't get the above fanfare because I haven't finished downloading it yet. Enjoy.
UPDATE: Okay, I'm not the only one not in the know, because Wikipedia doesn't have a page on them, and Wikipedia has a page on EVERYTHING.
With the help of a friend, I have rediscovered the dark cabaret stylings of The Dresden Dolls. That's the actual name of the genre. Dark cabaret. Anyway, they've only released two albums, so I'll make this short.
Among the numerous new artists I find every week or so, there is sometimes the occasional performer that I will keep coming back to. The ones I'll still be listening to in a year. Over the past few weeks, I've learned to love Andrew Bird. I mentioned him in passing twice before; the first time being a link to a zeusaphone playing "A Nervous Tic Motion Of The Head To The Left" (video, sadly, now removed), and the second time being a brief intro to my post on sand art. Well, now I've heard more than one song by the guy. In fact, I've heard almost all of his albums. And you can too.
His 1996 album Music Of Hair is a good deal different from the rest of his oeuvre. In it, he truly shines as a violinist (which is his whole thing). It's a slightly funky mix of bluegrassy, almost-Irish sounding melodies, which is a little off-putting. However, if you're going to put in the effort, I would recommend the tracks "Ambivalence Waltz", "Oh So Insistent", and "Ratitat/Peter's Wolf/Oblivious Reel". Especially "Oh So Insistent". It's divided into an A section and a B section, where the A section reminds me of Firefly and the B section is just awesome. You may also notice that none of the recommended tracks have vocals. That's because his 1996 vocals are weird and creepy.
Next up, his 2003 album Weather Systems. I only link to it out of some sense of continuity, because I honestly don't really like any of the tracks. If I must choose a few, let them be the songs "I" and "Skin", if only to serve as some form of groundwork for his later, better stuff (you'll see).
Unfortunately, his most recent album, 2007's Armchair Apocrypha, really only has one good track, nowhere near the great selection on his last album. That track is "Imitosis" and it really is one of his best. It's a musical sequel to Weather System's "I" and is the only Andrew Bird song to have its own music video. So, that's pretty good.
Other than that, the only things left to talk about are his Fingerlings albums. That's all his live stuff: Fingerlings, Fingerlings 2 and Fingerlings 3. In many cases, the live stuff is better, but in many more cases, they're worse. Try "Gotholympians", "Sweetbreads", "The Water Jet Cilice", and his live redition of "A Nervous Tic Motion Of The Head To The Left". Fingerlings 2 is a Rapidshare link, sorry. From that, I'd really only recommend "Banking On A Myth", but you have to download it all. Enjoy.
So I happened to catch a glimpse at 20/20 the other day and I can't help but notice this story (Probably Not Safe For Work, but I guess that depends on where you work). Crazy. I think I have life all figured out, then I see something like this and it's essentially back to square one. But that's not the point.
Recently, I've been listening to a lot of Abney Park. I don't really like them, but I feel I should. That's because they're the world's only Steampunk band. Since their goth roots in Seattle in the Nineties, they've decided to specialize somewhat and become exclusively Steampunk. This means that their onstage personas are that of probably the best literary archetype, sky-pirates. Their airship Ophelia has been the subject of at least one song and they dress appropriately. And by appropriately, I mean like this:
Anyway, aside from "Steampunk", their music is best described as industrial dance influenced heavily by world music. This places them firmly outside my personal tastes, which is a shame. But in the event that YOU might like them, I offer their 2001 album "From Dreams Or Angels", their 2005 album "The Death Of Tragedy", and their 2008 album "Lost Horizons". Which, I guess, was released last year. Happy 2009, all.
After one of my favorite regulars left Cracked, I went around looking for more content by that clown prince of crime, Wayne Gladstone. Lo, and I did find a thought-provoking article he did for The Morning News addressing "the question everyone wants to know, but nobody wants to ask: Why are Jews funny?" I must say, it's extremely well written. Anyone who is even mildly interested in the topic of American comedy should probably read this article.
And because you've come to expect more from me, have a parent directory filled with breakup songs. Because hey, you might need them someday.
ALRIGHT! I just finished downloading about two hundred songs from these two directories, which boast over a dozen classical artists, including Mozart, Tchaikovsky, Schubert and my personal new favorite, Hector Berlioz (Or Georg Handel, if I'm feeling whimsical and pretentious). So that's the meat of the post; enjoy. In other news, STOVOKOR!
Stovokor is a death metal band with some righteous riffs. Their lead singer goes by the stage name of "plnluH HoD" (If you know where this is going, you should probably get out more). They sing exclusively in Klingon and refuse to make appearances out of costume. Yeah. If you like that, you may also enjoy the music of Alestorm, who are so awesome I can't even bring myself to write about them.
Way back in 'ought seven, a little periodical known as Guitar World published a definitive piece called "The 100 Greatest Guitar Solos". Anyone with a passing interest in ripping solos from the Eighties will be pleasantly surprised by the selection (all chosen by Guitar World readers, no less), and will no doubt have heard many of the songs before. Here's the kicker: I found them all. Right here, man. Go ahead, drink it in. Well, almost all of them. I'll get to that later. First I'll take you on a tour of what seems to be the most face-melting of riffs; the solo. First thing apparent on a cursory glance at the list is that it contains such classics as Led Zepplin's Stairway To Heaven, Lynyrd Skynyrd's Freebird*, The Eagles' Hotel California, Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody*, Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit*, Guns 'N' Roses' Sweet Child O' Mine, Metallica's Master Of Puppets*, Aerosmith's Walk This Way, Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb, Jimi Hendrix's Voodoo Child, Chuck Berry's Johnny B. Goode, Eric Clapton's Layla*, Jimi Hendrix's Little Wing*, Dire Strait's Sultans Of Swing, The Beatles' While My Guitar Gently Weeps*, ZZ Top's Sharp Dressed Man, and Jimi Hendrix's redition of The Star Spangled Banner* (anyone wishing to get along in this society must know all of these songs at least by name, and anyone wishing to curry favor with me must know all of the starred ones by heart). So anyway, the list contains not only these beauties, but it introduced me to numerous songs and artists I would have otherwise never heard. Like for instance, the two songs I have been constitutionally incapable of NOT listening to every chance I get for the past three days; Starship Trooper by Yes and Stash by Phish. Seriously. They're awesome. Anyway, you may have noticed that there are two songs labeled #87, both Highway 61 Revisted and Cult Of Personality. In addition, there is no #98, as the one currently holding that spot is Cliffs Of Dover by Eric Johnson. It's a wonderful song, but it also happens to be #17. What actually should be #98 is "Under A Glass Moon" by Dream Theater, a song I've been unable to locate. Tough for you. That also means that one of the two #87 tracks must be a spare. Highway 61 Revisited actually doesn't belong on this list. Just as well, it's not too good. And because I went through the trouble of listening to every single one of these tracks for you, I know that the song currently filling space #99 is not, in fact, "Cause We've Ended As Lovers" by Jeff Beck (a wonderful instrumental that can actually be found here) but insead a singularly abominable track that goes by Stroke You Up by Changing Faces. I dare you to listen to it out loud and not turn down your speakers for fear that someone with musical taste will walk by. It's impossible. All in all, I can only find one flaw with this musical masterstroke, and that's the fact that they didn't include Through The Fire And The Flames by DragonForce.
Hey, y'all. Sorry I've been tardy. Writing papers and whatnot. To tide you over until the next big post (probably by next Monday), take a smattering of Original Soundtracks (I'd recommend the Pirates Of The Caribbean OST) and a picture of a bear riding a horse. That's what you guys like, right?
Well, it's almost here. The end of 2008. In the coming months, we have many things to look forward to, primary among these the inevitable "Best Of 2008" lists from almost every single media facet on Earth. Kicking it off in style was TIME Magazine, with their annual "Best Inventions" list (to be honest, last year's list was, like, a billion times better). I'm here to be your guide to what some editors somewhere determined to be the top breakthroughs of the year. In the number one slot, we have The Retail DNA Test, as deserving an invention as any. The $400 home package presents itself as a saliva test that can apparently determine your predispositions to disease and genetic aberrations to a fairly accurate degree. The inventor of the test (pregnant at time of press) trusts the analysis enough to tell TIME that her unborn son has about a 50% chance of developing Parkinson's Disease. The reason that the test is so controversial is the unexpected avenues that it may open up. If the test becomes common practice, thousands will be unable to secure health insurance, as many companies would be able to instantly determine your predisposition towards costly illnesses. Why would they insure you if they know that they'll end up paying for a tumor to be removed? The article goes into this with a bit more depth, check it out. The remaining 49 inventions on the list range from the innovative to the downright wacky, often times causing me to go "Best invention? More like worst invention." (I was sleepy, cut me some slack). I think they just got lazy after doing so much work on the number one spot. That's the only reason I can come up with to explain the presence of threeelectriccars (four if you include the futuristic MonoTracer), which are apparently not just for gay people anymore. If TIME Magazine is to be believed, they're making a comeback.
It's always a shame when a good thing comes to an end. In the case of serials (webcomics, podcasts) that can only be found online, it gets even worse. People have "other projects" and will occasionally just stop posting new stuff. In this particular case, I don't mind too much, as the man is still creating new comics. I just have to pay for them. The comic in question is Copper, the creation of Kazu Kibuishi. While he hasn't updated Copper in about a year (with one recent exception), the man's been releasing graphic novels and contributing to the exceptional comic art anthology Flight (I know for a fact that his art's been in Volumes One and Two, but the newer stuff might not have him). He's also released a solo graphic novel, Daisy Kutter. She's essentially a female Clint Eastwood set in some whacked out future Wild West (buy it). But before all that, he started out with that little webcomic. It's still one of my favorites. Try out this one. And this one, selected solely for the last panel's sadly pathetic snail. Enjoy that while listening to The Ghost At Number One by Jellyfish.
While I normally don't much care for reggae, a new phenom has been sweeping my iPod for the past several hours, and you deserve to hear about them. Dub Incorporation is a French outfit that has been mixing it up hardstyle since 1997. And I was lucky enough to find their first album, Diversité. All you have to do is listen to it. Try out the first track, My Freestyle. It's my favorite.
Also, I'm getting back into advertisements. Stay tuned.
Welcome back! I suddenly found myself without internet on Wednesday, but the universe provides. Well, it's time for some more free albums, you gangrenous dogs. Today, I found the folk harpist Joanna Newsom; with her 2004 debut album "The Milk-Eyed Mender". While her voice (self-described as "untrainable") will sometimes hit the occasional off-note, the entire piece taken as a whole is some of the most poignant music this side of John Tesh. Not that I'm saying she's anything like John Tesh, of course. She's actually enjoyable. To start with, I would recommend the track "The Sprout And The Bean".
Just in time for Hallowe'en, or "The Crawling Never-Night" as the locals call it (I live around some CREEEPY people), I present some short online comics of the distinctly eerie variety, courtesy of Golden Goat Studio's Nightmare World. Published by Mind Over Matter comics, Nightmare World is a series of comics that will apparently all fit together to make one giant, creepy tale of Lovecraftian redemption. But here's the weird (scary?) part. There are two websites that boast different sets of comics. And yet, where some comics do overlap, the writing is identical, but the art is different. Curiouser and curiouser. So while this seems like the official website, this one over here is organized better and has darker art. It also has the benefit of having my favorite story; "While You Sleep I Destroy Your World", a tale of Victorian-era sabotage (of sorts).
While you're reading that, take a listen to the classical track "Danse Macabre", my current favorite song written specifically to conjure the image of a macabre dance of some kind. I like imagining the ghosts of noblemen and their ladies waltzing in a giant abandoned ballroom.
In other news, I totally forgot I had a counter to track how many people are coming here (it's at the bottom of the page). Trends reveal that most people visit on Wednesdays. I don't know why that is, but I'll accept your patronage any day. Also, the number one post I've ever done is that thing on Knuckle Tattoos back in February. Seriously, it gets hit four and a half times as much as the front page you're looking at right now (unless you're looking at the archives. Hi, future visitors!). Can't say why, unless someone out there is linking here. In which case, thank you.
In what is becoming kind of my new thing, I've decided to start doing some movie reviews here. Last night, I saw Sweeney Todd for the first time, and I admit, I only watched it to see Sacha Baron Cohen get brutally murdered.
I couldn't decide which I liked better.
Not so smug now, are you, Ali G? After I realized that there was still a bunch of time left in this movie, I was tempted just to call it a day with the murder of Borat, but I'm glad I sat it out. Tim Burton falls back on his stock actors of Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter, and I'm glad he did. I honestly can't see anyone else in these roles. Depp has a surprisingly powerful voice, and though the songs are forgettable by normal film-musical standards, he and Carter have wonderful onscreen chemistry. As a side note, I'd like to tip my stylish hat to the digital colorist for this film. It takes about half and hour to get to the first sprays of blood, but when you do, you quickly realize that everything else in the film is either gray or brown. There is literally no bright color in this movie (excepting flashbacks and Pirelli's dashing frock coat) until people start getting all cut up. Quite a contrast. Not exactly a movie I'd buy, but I'd borrow, rent or steal it, sure. 5/10.
And because there's never enough content in these review pieces, take "the heaviest album of all time," Slayer's 1986 "Reign In Blood". It took about ten minutes to realize that I was listening to different songs (they all kind of blended), and another five to realize I had a huge headache. After I finished the album, my iTunes jumped to Vivaldi's Four Seasons. There's a transition for you.
Do you like Gogol Bordello? If not, why? Discuss. For those of you who do, try on another three albums for size. Count 'em. THREE. First is Gypsy Punks: Underdog World Strike, a rather hefty title for an album. Then we have Multi Kontra Culti, a title that probably means something in some language. But best of all is the album Super Taranta!, an album wholly indistinguishable from any others with the notable exception of the fact that their best song is on it. Listen to Wonderlust King just once and I'll pay you if it isn't stuck in your head forever.*
I'm sorry if this is news to you, but it's pretty new to me, and it's getting pretty big wherever it is I am. It's Pandora, a free online radio that matches your favorite artists to others like them before playing some selected tracks. It apparently derives its algorithm from the Music Genome Project. This is really cool. The Music Genome Project was started in 2000 as an attempt to "capture the essence of music", a daunting task. Where Last.FM and other inferior websites depend on hipster-powered methodology to determine song likeness, Pandora is rooted deeply in MATH. To do what it does, each song is divided into over one hundred elements, called genes, and various songs are matched up to find similar artists and genres. Your average rock song has about 150 genes, the average rap song has over 300, and jazz has over 400. These genes can be something as simple as the gender of the lead singer to something as complex as types of lyrics (Erotic Lyrics, Abstract Lyrics, Heartbreaking Lyrics, and my favorite: Lyrics about Partying). Of course, a computer can't tell the difference between "Fight For Your Right", arguably the greatest Partying-based song ever written, and Celine Dion's decidedly non-Partying related "I Will Always Love You". You'd be right. Which is why a team of musicians analyzes each song that's been through the filter, a process that takes about twenty minutes per song. I guess they've been doing this for the past decade (almost!) and that's why there's so many songs. But I guess here's my question. Are they getting paid for this? We, as the end-users, should be paying for such a service; one that provides uncannily matched music with songs we know that we like. Plus, where's all the red tape that would be required to play music by artists without their say-so? I know for a fact that some of the artists I'm listening to as I'm writing this are not just gonna sign off on their art for nothing. It's a madhouse, a MADHOUSE! Regardless, I'm willing to listen to this stuff for as long as I can.
Oh, and if you're ever down, or feeling a little blue, just YouTube Christian the Lion. Never fails.
A true captain of industry, Josiah Blocker has (among other achievements) successfully circumnavigated the globe using only a (heh) sextant, attained popehood, slept through an entire winter and escaped a Kafkaesque nightmare world in which muffins were outlawed. One of the above is actually true.
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