Joker Boner

No, seriously. I don't even want to explain. Just click here.

Pictures For Sad Children

Ladies and gentlemen: a new webcomic, quite possibly the most existential one yet. Pictures For Sad Children, regularly updated by John Campbell, is a disquieting look into the unblinking eye of ennui, as told through the perspectives of a heartbreakingly bleak cast of characters, including Paul Who Is A Ghost and Sara, a depressed woman suffering from an unnamed mental condition, possibly schizophrenia. It's a comic! HAHAHAHA!

That pretty much sums it up. Enjoy.

P.S.: The Sherlock Holmes trailer is... *sigh*... ballin'. Check it out.

Saddest Thing

There have been many suggestions as to what may constitute the saddest thing. As an exercise, I asked many of my friends, and a young woman as kind-hearted as any I've met suggested that the saddest thing was a three-year-old girl with no arms, falling off a swing on a lonely hilltop. Needless to say, the game ended shortly thereafter. Clearly there was no topping her response; there was also the frightening quickness and clarity with which the answer came to her mind.

On a whim, I wondered what the internet had to say on the subject, and with the help of my friend Google, I found The Saddest Thing, an online user-generated pit of despair. Check out the Saddest Of Them All. These are the ones that were voted saddest, and they are SAD, people. Fun stuff. These are found among the much more numerous sad-but-still-sorta-funny things, like this story, or this picture:*

The brutally honest webcomic Achewood has an excellent (read: heart-shattering) suggestion to add at this point:
(click to enlarge)

I, sadly, do not have a definitive answer to offer you. Perhaps one day I'll stumble upon something so sad I instantly fall into a coma from how bummed out I'll be, and then I'll know. Until then, dear readers, I remind you that you're free to comment below with your contribution to this ongoing dialogue. I would also implore you to consider this video in your own deliberations.

*I know EXACTLY where he got that photo. This spectacular website has been a favorite of mine for a while now.

Copper

It's always a shame when a good thing comes to an end. In the case of serials (webcomics, podcasts) that can only be found online, it gets even worse. People have "other projects" and will occasionally just stop posting new stuff. In this particular case, I don't mind too much, as the man is still creating new comics. I just have to pay for them. The comic in question is Copper, the creation of Kazu Kibuishi. While he hasn't updated Copper in about a year (with one recent exception), the man's been releasing graphic novels and contributing to the exceptional comic art anthology Flight (I know for a fact that his art's been in Volumes One and Two, but the newer stuff might not have him). He's also released a solo graphic novel, Daisy Kutter. She's essentially a female Clint Eastwood set in some whacked out future Wild West (buy it). But before all that, he started out with that little webcomic. It's still one of my favorites. Try out this one. And this one, selected solely for the last panel's sadly pathetic snail. Enjoy that while listening to The Ghost At Number One by Jellyfish.

Nightmare World

Just in time for Hallowe'en, or "The Crawling Never-Night" as the locals call it (I live around some CREEEPY people), I present some short online comics of the distinctly eerie variety, courtesy of Golden Goat Studio's Nightmare World. Published by Mind Over Matter comics, Nightmare World is a series of comics that will apparently all fit together to make one giant, creepy tale of Lovecraftian redemption. But here's the weird (scary?) part. There are two websites that boast different sets of comics. And yet, where some comics do overlap, the writing is identical, but the art is different. Curiouser and curiouser. So while this seems like the official website, this one over here is organized better and has darker art. It also has the benefit of having my favorite story; "While You Sleep I Destroy Your World", a tale of Victorian-era sabotage (of sorts).

While you're reading that, take a listen to the classical track "Danse Macabre", my current favorite song written specifically to conjure the image of a macabre dance of some kind. I like imagining the ghosts of noblemen and their ladies waltzing in a giant abandoned ballroom.

In other news, I totally forgot I had a counter to track how many people are coming here (it's at the bottom of the page). Trends reveal that most people visit on Wednesdays. I don't know why that is, but I'll accept your patronage any day. Also, the number one post I've ever done is that thing on Knuckle Tattoos back in February. Seriously, it gets hit four and a half times as much as the front page you're looking at right now (unless you're looking at the archives. Hi, future visitors!). Can't say why, unless someone out there is linking here. In which case, thank you.

Daisy Owl

Hey, remember when you were little and you would buy "No-Tears" shampoo? So if you were to wash your hair and rinse it so that the suds run down into your face, it doesn't sting your delicate eyeballs? Well, my question is, why don't they make ALL shampoo tear-free? Since the technology exists, why don't they use it for consumer demographics over the age of five? It would prevent a lot of painful experiences. If, for instance, you were to, in a sleepy stupor, accidentally squirt an entire handful of Head and Shoulders directly into your eye this morning (causing you to wish you could just dig your eye out to stop the pain (a technique known as the Oedipus Maneuver)), the average person's thought process would run like so: "Oh sweet bearded Moses this hurts why hasn't someone made some kind of shampoo that doesn't burn like Hades itself when applied directly to an eye hey wait they HAVE." Anyway.

Recently I started reading Goats, a fairly entertaining webcomic. It's famous because it just so happens to be the longest running webcomic on the truck-o-tubes. Go ahead and compare the new strips to the first one ever, posted on April Fools' Day 1997. Quite a difference. It has color, and story arcs and everything. So instead of reading every single strip (over ten year's worth), I thought to myself "I'll just find some of the newest webcomics online. That way, I won't have too many to read through to determine whether I like it or not, and I'll have indie cred as being one of those guys who are all like 'You know, I was reading it when it was still underground.'" I was also thinking "Jeez, it's like sixteen hours later, why does my eye still burn?" So I started searching, and wouldn't you know it, a gem revealed itself. Daisy Owl is one of the newest webcomics to hit the streets, and it's been pretty much consistently funny since the beginning, all of three months now. Mark my words, this is gonna be big. Enjoy.

P.S.: To those who are keeping up with Heroes: WHAT THE HELL?! I mean, come on. Really, Hiro? Really?

Comic Strip Doctor

HEY! I missed mentioning my 300th post a little over a week ago. Good for me.

To continue in the fine tradition of talking about newspaper comics, I will now direct you to an old favorite webcomic of mine, Wondermark. With its wordy jokes and old-timey illustrations, it's sure to be a hoot and a half.

But that's not what I'm here to talk about. David Malki, genius extraordinaire behind the comic, also runs a little side project, where he goes by "The Comic Strip Doctor", a man with the ultimate goal of haranguing Jim Davis all to hell. A perfect example is in fact the Garfield article, where he writes about a comic strip legacy that has become so dragged out with cheap jokes and lazy direction that people have edited his strips to make them more surreal and arguably funnier (take for instance, Garfield Minus Garfield, Garfield Minus Speech, and a cool little randomizer that takes three random panels and glues them together). He doesn't only go to work on that fat, unfunny cat, though. He's written articles on Cathy, Dennis the Menace, The Wizard of Id, and other less than comedic dailies from the paper. Enjoy.

Rob Liefeld

I've long been a fan of comics, mostly because it's like watching a movie, but you're reading. So it's good for you. Or something. And I'm willing to accept that every single panel of every single page may not be stunning art-wise. But after a period of time, I expect a basic level of competence in the way an entirely visual medium looks. I find this kind of important. Which is why it shocks me to discover that Rob Liefeld can still get work. This is the man who drew this:

Now admittedly, that is the one piece that everyone points to to illustrate how bad he is at what he's paid thousands to do, but surely most of his work... Ah, I guess not. Countdown of the forty worst Liefeld drawings can be found here, complete with witty commentary. He's apparently incapable of drawing hands or feet. Enjoy. And as long as you're enjoying that, enjoy this little number I found floating around. It's conclusion pits Captain America against... REPTOID RONALD REAGAN.

You'll have to take my word for it, that's the Gipper.

P.S.: In addition to being made of win and epic (are you HAPPY, internet?), this film will be freaking A-W-E-S-O-M-E.

FreakAngels

It's not too rare that one can find legitimately free stuff online. It's easy to find free music for free from legal sources nowadays, and even television shows are just lying around for people to watch (especially older stuff. I've been watching Twin Peaks. WEEEEEIRD). With the growing amount of Gutenberg Project contributors, it's getting easier to find open source books or ones with expired copyrights. But for most of us nerds, the ultimate blend of literature and art remains the elusively expensive exception to the rule. There are, of course, webcomics, but look at them.

(I love you, XKCD)

But what about people who are looking for a smart, well illustrated comic-book quality graphic novel on the blogotubes? Well, I guess you could read Lackadaisy. But what if you wanted a name behind your comic? Like, say, the name of a man who wrote the superlative Transmetropolitan or the pretty good Preacher? Then look no further than FreakAngels, about twelve psychic post-adolescents growing up after the Apocalypse. It's got sex, violence and mayhem. Not to mention it's dangerously steampunk.

That's a steam-powered helicopter. She built it herself. Check it out here.

EDIT: JEEZ! Warren Ellis didn't write Preacher. That was Garth Ennis. Wow. I'm glad no one caught that but me. Ellis did write Hellblazer however, the comic that spawned the film Constantine.

Lackadaisy Cats

Alright, I finally have time to write something. Good for me. Today I bring you a new webcomic! And it's not just any webcomic, kiddies. This is nothing short of freaking art. And I don't say that a lot. Welcome to the world of the Lackadaisy Cats, a group of swinging felines anthropomorphically and anachronistically thrown into 1920's St. Louis. I haven't read much, but so far it seems like a really well written gangster story, except with cats. The very fact that well-written (novel-quality) storylines are available for free on this fortress of pornography and low-quality bootleg movies we call the internet is not too surprising, nor is the fact that art of this quality is being given away for free. What is surprising is that both can come together so harmoniously; and from one woman, too. Tracy Butler is nothing short of a artistic wunderkind. Observe:

Just go there. It's amazing. And also, check out the cat in the middle. MEOW.

Bear And Kitten

It's been a while since I've shilled for a webcomic, so today... I'm gonna tell you about a webcomic. Bear and Kitten doesn't have many pages (it's only been running for a little over a year) but the stuff that's there is what we in the biz know as "high comedy", filled with vomit and dick jokes. Really. Case in point (Click to enlarge).

If that's not side-splittingly comical, I don't know what is. Also, check out this real life bear and kitten combo. A formidable duo.

Oh God No

This is going to be terrible.

Note: I'm a huge fan of the graphic novel, so if you're totally lost, read the book. Seriously. If you've already read it, read it again with this annotation. It's pretty in-depth. Come to think of it, a book as grand as this deserves a longer post than this, but I'm seriously tired for some reason. Seriously. Read the book. It completely changes your view of the comic medium, the superhero genre and how literature can be interpreted. It also proved inspiration for many other awesome things, most notably Heroes. I was actually kinda mad when I MILD SPOILER!! saw the last couple episodes of the first season. I won't say any more for fear of ruining not one but two excellent plots (even if one is almost a word for word ripoff of the other). Okay, one more thing. Dr. Manhattan and Sylar are both second-generation watchmakers? Please. NERD RANT... OUT!

Wowio

Being overseas, I can't get access to a lot of new movies, books, or comics. Of course, the movies eventually make their way to theaters here, and there are a couple English bookstores here (OK, just one). Of course, I could just order comics on Amazon, but I like to be able to peruse them at my leisure and make up my mind about whether or not I want to shell out ridiculous sums of money to own them. Enter Wowio. It's a free service that provides hundreds of comics' first couple issues absolutely free. I have found it an invaluable tool on deciding whether or not to purchase a certain book. Here's the kicker (especially for those not interested in comics (I'm betting... most of you)). They also have books. And lots of books. I'm halfway through Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle, a book I should have read a while ago. It's really good. Seriously. I'm not sure how they're doing it, but I'm totally down with free legal reading material. Check it out here. You need an account, but it's, you know, free.

Unintentionally Hilarious Comics

I found this great little gem the other day. It outlines unintentional hilarity in comics that we all remember (newspaper comics, not the other kind). Who remembers Mark Trail? What was up with that? Mary Worth? Rex Morgan, M.D.? I feel we should just keep soap operas on the screen, thank you. Enough trees have died for your sins. Check it out here.

I got the name of this post from this Cracked article, who chose the five top comics to make fun of. It shows you panels like this to back up their testimony:

(Sadly, gone are the days of BIFF! and POW!)

As long as I'm on a comics kick, I might as well direct you to Comics I Don't Understand, a site where the confused proprietor uploads comics (sometimes newspaper, sometimes webcomics) he doesn't understand or just finds plain unfunny, often with that same unintentional comedy going on.

Panel One

A new webcomic today. Whoo hoo!

Ever read something that is all at once, weird, thought-provoking and funny? It's getting harder and harder to find imaginative material as the media scene becomes more and more lowbrow. I spend so much time online because movies are stupid and books are becoming more and more disappointing as my tolerance for inane literature plummets. But I digress. Panel One is a webcomic that stands alone in its format: a single panel, alone with its thoughts, presented as a caption. The meta-fictional barb comes into play when the caption proves a Socratic foil, disagreeing with everything the panel has to say. Where the panel provides a calm analysis of itself as a blank panel, the caption that the panel speaks through is a crass loudmouth. It is, however, quick to point out: "'Cursing is for the inarticulate', right? Bullshit. That's a myth perpetuated by prigs like you." After going back and forth for a while, the story's flow is somewhat interrupted by the alphabet, who drifts in to prove how important she is to the narrative...

Now, I'm not the kind of person to end a synopsis on an ellipse; it's not something I do. But there is so much point/counterpoint debate in the story I felt compelled to end on a somewhat mysterious note. Plus, I haven't read it all yet. But it totally rules. Check it out here.

Bunny

For all those who enjoy a sometimes sad, sometimes witty, sometimes beautiful, but mostly surreal slice of life, I present to you: Bunny. A Webcomic.

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal

I just love this: If you do too, click here.
If you don't, click here.

XKCD

I am a nerd.

I am not a smart nerd, but I pick up enough to fake my way through almost any geeky conversation you can conceive.

When it comes to programming, I can argue the comparative values of Perl versus C++, and I can tell you exactly what a shebang line is. This is why I love XKCD. You don't have to be a nerd, but it helps.

goto: A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language.

Dinosaur Comics

I've been reading this almost since its beginning. It's a screwy webcomic centering around a liquid-nuts T-Rex (see how I used "liquid" as an intensifier?) who waxes philosophical with his friends, a friendly Dromiceiomimus and a Utahraptor who serves as a Socratic foil to many (if not most) of T-Rex's ideas.

Check it out: www.qwantz.com.