eBay Feedback

A while back I commented on some of the more bizarre Amazon.com products, making special note of the user comments. Another frequently overlooked source of merriment and mirth are the eBay buyer feedback articles. Though you can find some good ones here (My favorite: "NEGATIVE: Though you did nothing wrong, I am giving you this negative feedback to teach you that the universe is arbitrary and unfair."), the undisputed king of goofy feedback is tryork5ifp, the unpronouncably-named wunderkind who, as far as I can tell, has never given negative feedback. Check out his customer profile here. some favorites:

Ventriloquist dummy WON'T SHUT UP and has KILLED all my other ventriloquist dummies
Simply the GREATEST OBJECT I've ever received. Will burn all my other possessions
Whew! biopsy came back negative. Who even knew you could do this on eBay?
BEST SELLER ON EBAY! In fact, this experience made me want to put down my gun.A+
$$ recieved via PAYPAL this A.M.—Told Johnny the hit IS ON—Will provide photos.