Weasel Words

You know those Bathroom Readers? Those things are handy. Not too long ago, I read an article in one detailing the prevalent use of "weasel words" in advertising. Weasel words are phrases that carefully use language to force the viewer's mind into a particular conclusion when in fact, they said nothing of the sort. A good example is the common usage of "better" or "best" in application to parity products, products which are essentially the same. Soap, fruit juice, cigarettes and soda are all parity products, so legally, any corporation can say "Jones Cola is the best" and be completely correct, since all they are saying is that Jones Cola is pretty much the same as Coke or Pepsi (honestly though, Jones Cola is straight-up delicious). Interestingly, they cannot say "Jones Cola is better than Brand X". Why? In a world where "best" means "the same as", the term "better" means "best". Another cool little technique is the "weasel claim", where a weasel word is slipped surreptitiously into a claim so as to basically negate the actual claim. An example is "fights plaque buildup and bad breath." Well, yeah. Rinsing your mouth out with water will help fight plaque buildup. I don't want to spend ten dollars on a bottle of mouthwash that just fights plaque buildup. I want something that will stop plaque buildup. Of course, that would constitute a guarantee, and thus open the floodgates for thousands of frivolous lawsuits (a recent poll shows that Americans consider this to be the best kind of lawsuit). Another claim is one that makes you scratch your head and go "And... what?" It leaves you hanging with claims that are true but do not necessarily constitute a better product. An example is "Kellogg's Corn Flakes, now with twice as much fiber." Sure, there's more fiber, but there no real reason that more fiber equals a better product. Related to this is the technique of using a "scientific" or "statistical" claim to sell the product. Fans of Jerry Seinfeld may recall his riff on cough medicine "now with an extra drop of Retsyn." What is this magical Retsyn and why should we be happy that we're getting more of it?

Anyway, I decided to track down this article, and I have! And at no extra cost to you, I located a related article that examines weasel words and other word phenoms that both advertisements and average people use in everyday speech to trip you up. My favorite is the "complex question", which goes something like this: "Are you still killing small animals for fun?" Now, if you answer yes, you've obviously just admitted to killing small animals for fun. Shame on you. However, if you're a sane, non-sociopathic human being, you'll say something along the lines of "No! Dear God, no!" and I'll say "Oh. When did you stop?" You see, the above question is actually two questions, "Have you killed small animals for fun," and "If so, are you still doing so?" There is no logical way to answer this question except not to respond, which makes it look like you're answering yes. Tricky.

Also, I just saw watched Brick. It's good. Watch it. 8/10.