Liquid Sculpture

Alright, so I found this delightful little place where this one guy, Martin Waugh, takes photos of something that you probably see couple times a day and never take note of, though the magic of high-speed photography. Enjoy.

100 Greatest Guitar Solos

Disclaimer: Okay, ninety-nine.

Way back in 'ought seven, a little periodical known as Guitar World published a definitive piece called "The 100 Greatest Guitar Solos". Anyone with a passing interest in ripping solos from the Eighties will be pleasantly surprised by the selection (all chosen by Guitar World readers, no less), and will no doubt have heard many of the songs before. Here's the kicker: I found them all. Right here, man. Go ahead, drink it in. Well, almost all of them. I'll get to that later. First I'll take you on a tour of what seems to be the most face-melting of riffs; the solo. First thing apparent on a cursory glance at the list is that it contains such classics as Led Zepplin's Stairway To Heaven, Lynyrd Skynyrd's Freebird*, The Eagles' Hotel California, Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody*, Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit*, Guns 'N' Roses' Sweet Child O' Mine, Metallica's Master Of Puppets*, Aerosmith's Walk This Way, Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb, Jimi Hendrix's Voodoo Child, Chuck Berry's Johnny B. Goode, Eric Clapton's Layla*, Jimi Hendrix's Little Wing*, Dire Strait's Sultans Of Swing, The Beatles' While My Guitar Gently Weeps*, ZZ Top's Sharp Dressed Man, and Jimi Hendrix's redition of The Star Spangled Banner* (anyone wishing to get along in this society must know all of these songs at least by name, and anyone wishing to curry favor with me must know all of the starred ones by heart). So anyway, the list contains not only these beauties, but it introduced me to numerous songs and artists I would have otherwise never heard. Like for instance, the two songs I have been constitutionally incapable of NOT listening to every chance I get for the past three days; Starship Trooper by Yes and Stash by Phish. Seriously. They're awesome. Anyway, you may have noticed that there are two songs labeled #87, both Highway 61 Revisted and Cult Of Personality. In addition, there is no #98, as the one currently holding that spot is Cliffs Of Dover by Eric Johnson. It's a wonderful song, but it also happens to be #17. What actually should be #98 is "Under A Glass Moon" by Dream Theater, a song I've been unable to locate. Tough for you. That also means that one of the two #87 tracks must be a spare. Highway 61 Revisited actually doesn't belong on this list. Just as well, it's not too good. And because I went through the trouble of listening to every single one of these tracks for you, I know that the song currently filling space #99 is not, in fact, "Cause We've Ended As Lovers" by Jeff Beck (a wonderful instrumental that can actually be found here) but insead a singularly abominable track that goes by Stroke You Up by Changing Faces. I dare you to listen to it out loud and not turn down your speakers for fear that someone with musical taste will walk by. It's impossible. All in all, I can only find one flaw with this musical masterstroke, and that's the fact that they didn't include Through The Fire And The Flames by DragonForce.

P.S.: I also like Van Halen's Eruption*, Ozzy Osbourne's Mr. Crowley, Pantera's Cemetery Gates, Pearl Jam's Alive, Joe Satriani's Satch Boogie*, Nirvana's In Bloom*, Sublime's Santeria, and Smashing Pumpkins' Cherub Rock*. Enjoy.

Soundtracks

Hey, y'all. Sorry I've been tardy. Writing papers and whatnot. To tide you over until the next big post (probably by next Monday), take a smattering of Original Soundtracks (I'd recommend the Pirates Of The Caribbean OST) and a picture of a bear riding a horse. That's what you guys like, right?

TIME's Best Inventions Of 2008

Well, it's almost here. The end of 2008. In the coming months, we have many things to look forward to, primary among these the inevitable "Best Of 2008" lists from almost every single media facet on Earth. Kicking it off in style was TIME Magazine, with their annual "Best Inventions" list (to be honest, last year's list was, like, a billion times better). I'm here to be your guide to what some editors somewhere determined to be the top breakthroughs of the year. In the number one slot, we have The Retail DNA Test, as deserving an invention as any. The $400 home package presents itself as a saliva test that can apparently determine your predispositions to disease and genetic aberrations to a fairly accurate degree. The inventor of the test (pregnant at time of press) trusts the analysis enough to tell TIME that her unborn son has about a 50% chance of developing Parkinson's Disease. The reason that the test is so controversial is the unexpected avenues that it may open up. If the test becomes common practice, thousands will be unable to secure health insurance, as many companies would be able to instantly determine your predisposition towards costly illnesses. Why would they insure you if they know that they'll end up paying for a tumor to be removed? The article goes into this with a bit more depth, check it out. The remaining 49 inventions on the list range from the innovative to the downright wacky, often times causing me to go "Best invention? More like worst invention." (I was sleepy, cut me some slack). I think they just got lazy after doing so much work on the number one spot. That's the only reason I can come up with to explain the presence of three electric cars (four if you include the futuristic MonoTracer), which are apparently not just for gay people anymore. If TIME Magazine is to be believed, they're making a comeback.

The list also has the baffling inclusion of the following: a creepy-ass robot (not to be confused with the creepy ass-robot), the new Mars rover, Obama's campaign, the camera work that made Speed Racer possible, that invisibility cloak they've been working on for over a decade now (nice photo, guys), the newest prime number, a "new" ping-pong serve, instant replay for umpires (as if baseball didn't go on long enough already), and easily the weirdest inclusion on this list, a piece of pretentious art.

Among the cooler things on there, we can find The Doomsday Seed Vault (when I was doing research for this, I stumbled across the phrase "biopiracy". Much cooler-sounding than it is), the Memristor (trust me, it's cool), the Synthetic Organism, bionic contact lenses, cheap solar panels, cement that cleans the air while it just sits there, and a new way to eat food. Honorable mention goes to Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, just because I believe in my geeky, geeky heart that Joss Whedon is a god. There are a bunch more, but these are the ones that stick out, so go ahead and read the rest if you want. That's about it, except for this freaking awesome John Coltrane rendition of "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music. Righteous.

Copper

It's always a shame when a good thing comes to an end. In the case of serials (webcomics, podcasts) that can only be found online, it gets even worse. People have "other projects" and will occasionally just stop posting new stuff. In this particular case, I don't mind too much, as the man is still creating new comics. I just have to pay for them. The comic in question is Copper, the creation of Kazu Kibuishi. While he hasn't updated Copper in about a year (with one recent exception), the man's been releasing graphic novels and contributing to the exceptional comic art anthology Flight (I know for a fact that his art's been in Volumes One and Two, but the newer stuff might not have him). He's also released a solo graphic novel, Daisy Kutter. She's essentially a female Clint Eastwood set in some whacked out future Wild West (buy it). But before all that, he started out with that little webcomic. It's still one of my favorites. Try out this one. And this one, selected solely for the last panel's sadly pathetic snail. Enjoy that while listening to The Ghost At Number One by Jellyfish.

Brains Are CRAAAAAZY

In the rare cases of extremely severe epilepsy, a surgery may be considered to alleviate the pain. This procedure involves severing the corpus callosum, an area of the brain allowing cross-hemisphere communication. A side effect of this is best described in the form of an experiment. A woman with a severed corpus callosum was told to focus on the center of a monitor where images would briefly flash. She was then asked to identify these images. If the images appeared to the right of the screen, she was able to identify them with no problem. This is because images on the right were registered in the left hemisphere of her brain (where speech centers are). Therefore she was able to say aloud "cat", "dog" or "sailboat" depending on what images were shown to her. But when images were flashed on the left side of the screen, she was unable to vocalize what it was she had seen. The right side of her brain was unable to communicate to the left side what it was she was seeing, so her speech centers couldn't verbalize anything. Here's where it gets AWESOME. When asked to write down what it was she had seen, she couldn't, because she was right-handed. The right hand is controlled by the left hemisphere, and since the left hemisphere still had no information, the right hand could not write down the image. When she picked up the pen in her left hand, she was able to write it down with no problem. Brains Are CRAAAAAZY.

Dub Incorporation

While I normally don't much care for reggae, a new phenom has been sweeping my iPod for the past several hours, and you deserve to hear about them. Dub Incorporation is a French outfit that has been mixing it up hardstyle since 1997. And I was lucky enough to find their first album, Diversité. All you have to do is listen to it. Try out the first track, My Freestyle. It's my favorite.

Also, I'm getting back into advertisements. Stay tuned.

Mirror Blocks

I'm a big fan of nostalgia, which is why every couple weeks I tend to remember something I haven't even heard about in years, wonder if it was as good as I remember it being, find it, reminisce for a bit, blog about it and put it away to remember again in five years. Because of this, I burn through the better pieces of my childhood faster than I can create new ones. By the time I hit fifty, I'll just be reflecting on the good old days non-stop, with no chance for social interaction or food. I plan to die watching The Last Crusade on repeat. Anyway, one thing I really miss? Toys. You hit a certain age and all of a sudden you just can't justify spending ten dollars on a piece of plastic anymore. You start buying stuff like music and movies, or, God forbid, you start saving money for your toyless future and before you know it, you've left all your Transformers behind to get all dusty and whatnot. But all that changed when I saw Rubik's new puzzle.

It makes me want to go spend some money on a piece of plastic that I'll get frustrated with in twenty minutes and end up giving away as a birthday present. Unfortunately, it's currently only available in Japan (of course), so you'll have to buy it from here unless you want to wait until it ships internationally, causing US minds to implode.

McSweeney's Internet Tendencies: More Lists

Here's part one. Alrighty then, I'll just jump right in here. There have been some updates since last year's post. Notable among them are:

• Band Names That, When Announced From The Stage, Elicit The Most Tepid Responses
• Categories I'd Be Sure To Win In On The Show Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?*
• Dance Dance Revolution
• Footnotes, Endnotes and Parentheticals That Cost Me Marks On My Thesis*
• Jokes I Came Up With While Recovering From Methicillin-Resistant Staphylococcus Aureus
• Phrases I'd Rather Not Be Used At My Funeral*
• Planned Sequels To Nicolas Cage's Upcoming Film Bangkok Dangerous*
• Rarely Used Parenthetical Statements
• The Final Standings In A Contest To Create An Emoticon For The Most Seemingly Impossible To Depict State Of Being
• Text Messages That Would Have Been Helpful
• Top Ten Best Ever*

Umm. I guess that's about it. Here, have some highlights from the World Juggling Federation's 04-05 season, set to a fairly decent and sadly unfindable (I guess you'll just have to buy it, you cheapskates) Fatboy Slim song, That Old Pair Of Jeans.

Badass Of The Week

For those of you not familiar with the Society for Creative Anachronism, or SCA, you'll need some background. Essentially, the SCA is the organization who popularized the concept of the "living history" Renaissance Faire in modern culture. While being popular for re-creating the Middle Ages "as they ought to have been", many facets of the organization attempt to be as accurate as possible in its re-creation. While the hierarchical layout of the SCA is fairly in-depth and authentic, the cool part is really the knights. Yeah, there are knights who can apparently win tournaments to become kings of their respective kingdoms, which spread over the North American continent (I live in the Kingdom of Atlantia). At least this is how I understand it. There's a lot of material, and I'm not invested deeply enough to read all of the rules.

Any-old-way; way back in the day, one of the first female knights in the SCA was walking home from an event taking place in The East Kingdom (NYC). Along the way, she was apparently mugged by a man who pulled a knife on her, claiming that he had "six inches of steel" that said she'd give up her money. Drawing her sword, she quips "I'll see your six and raise you thirty-five."

There's no denying that the above is a kickass story (regardless of its validity; I can't find more than one source on this). In this woman's honor, I present the newest bookmark on my toolbar, Badass Of The Week. Which is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. My choices are Egil Skallagrimsson (poet and Viking. VIKING), Australia, the Hanta Virus, and my favorite: Molly the Cow. Also, the site is totally NSFW for language.

Have a spectacular day.

The Milk-Eyed Mender

Welcome back! I suddenly found myself without internet on Wednesday, but the universe provides. Well, it's time for some more free albums, you gangrenous dogs. Today, I found the folk harpist Joanna Newsom; with her 2004 debut album "The Milk-Eyed Mender". While her voice (self-described as "untrainable") will sometimes hit the occasional off-note, the entire piece taken as a whole is some of the most poignant music this side of John Tesh. Not that I'm saying she's anything like John Tesh, of course. She's actually enjoyable. To start with, I would recommend the track "The Sprout And The Bean".

Weasel Words

You know those Bathroom Readers? Those things are handy. Not too long ago, I read an article in one detailing the prevalent use of "weasel words" in advertising. Weasel words are phrases that carefully use language to force the viewer's mind into a particular conclusion when in fact, they said nothing of the sort. A good example is the common usage of "better" or "best" in application to parity products, products which are essentially the same. Soap, fruit juice, cigarettes and soda are all parity products, so legally, any corporation can say "Jones Cola is the best" and be completely correct, since all they are saying is that Jones Cola is pretty much the same as Coke or Pepsi (honestly though, Jones Cola is straight-up delicious). Interestingly, they cannot say "Jones Cola is better than Brand X". Why? In a world where "best" means "the same as", the term "better" means "best". Another cool little technique is the "weasel claim", where a weasel word is slipped surreptitiously into a claim so as to basically negate the actual claim. An example is "fights plaque buildup and bad breath." Well, yeah. Rinsing your mouth out with water will help fight plaque buildup. I don't want to spend ten dollars on a bottle of mouthwash that just fights plaque buildup. I want something that will stop plaque buildup. Of course, that would constitute a guarantee, and thus open the floodgates for thousands of frivolous lawsuits (a recent poll shows that Americans consider this to be the best kind of lawsuit). Another claim is one that makes you scratch your head and go "And... what?" It leaves you hanging with claims that are true but do not necessarily constitute a better product. An example is "Kellogg's Corn Flakes, now with twice as much fiber." Sure, there's more fiber, but there no real reason that more fiber equals a better product. Related to this is the technique of using a "scientific" or "statistical" claim to sell the product. Fans of Jerry Seinfeld may recall his riff on cough medicine "now with an extra drop of Retsyn." What is this magical Retsyn and why should we be happy that we're getting more of it?

Anyway, I decided to track down this article, and I have! And at no extra cost to you, I located a related article that examines weasel words and other word phenoms that both advertisements and average people use in everyday speech to trip you up. My favorite is the "complex question", which goes something like this: "Are you still killing small animals for fun?" Now, if you answer yes, you've obviously just admitted to killing small animals for fun. Shame on you. However, if you're a sane, non-sociopathic human being, you'll say something along the lines of "No! Dear God, no!" and I'll say "Oh. When did you stop?" You see, the above question is actually two questions, "Have you killed small animals for fun," and "If so, are you still doing so?" There is no logical way to answer this question except not to respond, which makes it look like you're answering yes. Tricky.

Also, I just saw watched Brick. It's good. Watch it. 8/10.

The Great British Shin-Kicking Competition 2008

Can you believe that Judy Blume is 70? Holy crap!

And sure, listen to some Aerosmith song called "Pink". It's pretty good, but I'm too burned out to care. See you guys tomorrow.

Life In Color

I've remarked on the top-notch National Geographic photos before, but I found a neat little feature they've been doing that deserves its own mention. The Life In Color series illustrates the chromatic diversity of the world. Here we go.

Woo! If you want to see the full range of awesomeness on these photos, here you go: Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Purple, and Brown.

In other news, what's up with those tricky-as-hell-to-open plastic packages that expensive electronic things come in? You know the kind I'm talking about. You need some seriously sharp scissors to open them, and all it takes is one slip of the hand to accidentally cut a vital wire (I almost learned this the hard way about ten minutes ago). It does not seem like an efficient packaging standard. And here's the kicker: scissors come in these things. What if you don't have any secondary scissors? It's a total Catch-22. The company that packages stuff and the scissor companies are TOTALLY in cahoots. It just makes me SO IRRATIONALLY MAD. Also, Fall Break! Woo!

The Last Question

I'm not really a big fan of Isaac Asimov. I'm familiar with his works, but I only really enjoyed I, Robot and the first Foundation novel. Everything else is alright, except for his short story The Last Question. This is a story that's... superlative. It is simply unparalleled in all of fiction. THAT'S how good it is. Just... just read it.

Nightmare World

Just in time for Hallowe'en, or "The Crawling Never-Night" as the locals call it (I live around some CREEEPY people), I present some short online comics of the distinctly eerie variety, courtesy of Golden Goat Studio's Nightmare World. Published by Mind Over Matter comics, Nightmare World is a series of comics that will apparently all fit together to make one giant, creepy tale of Lovecraftian redemption. But here's the weird (scary?) part. There are two websites that boast different sets of comics. And yet, where some comics do overlap, the writing is identical, but the art is different. Curiouser and curiouser. So while this seems like the official website, this one over here is organized better and has darker art. It also has the benefit of having my favorite story; "While You Sleep I Destroy Your World", a tale of Victorian-era sabotage (of sorts).

While you're reading that, take a listen to the classical track "Danse Macabre", my current favorite song written specifically to conjure the image of a macabre dance of some kind. I like imagining the ghosts of noblemen and their ladies waltzing in a giant abandoned ballroom.

In other news, I totally forgot I had a counter to track how many people are coming here (it's at the bottom of the page). Trends reveal that most people visit on Wednesdays. I don't know why that is, but I'll accept your patronage any day. Also, the number one post I've ever done is that thing on Knuckle Tattoos back in February. Seriously, it gets hit four and a half times as much as the front page you're looking at right now (unless you're looking at the archives. Hi, future visitors!). Can't say why, unless someone out there is linking here. In which case, thank you.

Daisy Owl

Hey, remember when you were little and you would buy "No-Tears" shampoo? So if you were to wash your hair and rinse it so that the suds run down into your face, it doesn't sting your delicate eyeballs? Well, my question is, why don't they make ALL shampoo tear-free? Since the technology exists, why don't they use it for consumer demographics over the age of five? It would prevent a lot of painful experiences. If, for instance, you were to, in a sleepy stupor, accidentally squirt an entire handful of Head and Shoulders directly into your eye this morning (causing you to wish you could just dig your eye out to stop the pain (a technique known as the Oedipus Maneuver)), the average person's thought process would run like so: "Oh sweet bearded Moses this hurts why hasn't someone made some kind of shampoo that doesn't burn like Hades itself when applied directly to an eye hey wait they HAVE." Anyway.

Recently I started reading Goats, a fairly entertaining webcomic. It's famous because it just so happens to be the longest running webcomic on the truck-o-tubes. Go ahead and compare the new strips to the first one ever, posted on April Fools' Day 1997. Quite a difference. It has color, and story arcs and everything. So instead of reading every single strip (over ten year's worth), I thought to myself "I'll just find some of the newest webcomics online. That way, I won't have too many to read through to determine whether I like it or not, and I'll have indie cred as being one of those guys who are all like 'You know, I was reading it when it was still underground.'" I was also thinking "Jeez, it's like sixteen hours later, why does my eye still burn?" So I started searching, and wouldn't you know it, a gem revealed itself. Daisy Owl is one of the newest webcomics to hit the streets, and it's been pretty much consistently funny since the beginning, all of three months now. Mark my words, this is gonna be big. Enjoy.

P.S.: To those who are keeping up with Heroes: WHAT THE HELL?! I mean, come on. Really, Hiro? Really?

Jumanji

That's right. Jumanji. Struck by a wave of nostalgic whimsy, I located and watched the 1995 film Jumanji, starring Robin Williams and (I had forgotten this) a twelve-year-old Kirsten Dunst. The movie came out at what I'd like to call the peak of Robin Williams' career. While researching the film for this article, I found that Robin Williams was in Dead Poets Society (#10 in 1989), Hook (#6 in 1991), Aladdin (#1 in 1992), Mrs. Doubtfire (#2 in 1993) and Jumanji (#7 in 1995). In case you don't see what I'm getting at, those are box office numbers. He was the star in at least five top-ten movies in the span of about five years. And in case you don't remember, those films are all awesome. But that's enough about the has-been (prove me wrong, Robin). The film is just as cool as you remember it (given that you've seen it in the past). It has CGI monkeys, enormous mosquitoes, an animatronic lion, man-eating crocodiles, and a scene where a Crown Vic is crushed and dragged away by sentient vines.

The film has everything an adventure movie should; namely, CGI monkeys. Beyond that, all you'll get is my glowing recommendation to get your hands on a copy of this movie ASAP. There's also a monkey-boy and a deranged hunter in a pith helmet with little to no character motivation. Just a big gun. 8/10.

"I don't know why, I just really want to kill this guy. No reason, just irks me is all. Plus, I hated Man Of The Year."

Also, here's a band I normally dislike, Flight Of The Conchords.

Sweeney Todd / Reign In Blood

In what is becoming kind of my new thing, I've decided to start doing some movie reviews here. Last night, I saw Sweeney Todd for the first time, and I admit, I only watched it to see Sacha Baron Cohen get brutally murdered.

I couldn't decide which I liked better.

Not so smug now, are you, Ali G? After I realized that there was still a bunch of time left in this movie, I was tempted just to call it a day with the murder of Borat, but I'm glad I sat it out. Tim Burton falls back on his stock actors of Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter, and I'm glad he did. I honestly can't see anyone else in these roles. Depp has a surprisingly powerful voice, and though the songs are forgettable by normal film-musical standards, he and Carter have wonderful onscreen chemistry. As a side note, I'd like to tip my stylish hat to the digital colorist for this film. It takes about half and hour to get to the first sprays of blood, but when you do, you quickly realize that everything else in the film is either gray or brown. There is literally no bright color in this movie (excepting flashbacks and Pirelli's dashing frock coat) until people start getting all cut up. Quite a contrast. Not exactly a movie I'd buy, but I'd borrow, rent or steal it, sure. 5/10.

And because there's never enough content in these review pieces, take "the heaviest album of all time," Slayer's 1986 "Reign In Blood". It took about ten minutes to realize that I was listening to different songs (they all kind of blended), and another five to realize I had a huge headache. After I finished the album, my iTunes jumped to Vivaldi's Four Seasons. There's a transition for you.

Deep-Dish Scavenger Hunt

Hey, guess what I just watched. That's right (or wrong), The Incredibles. That's a pretty good film, and I just realized why. Brad Bird, the writer and director of the film, was the mastermind behind The Iron Giant. That was awesome when I first saw it.

"Goddamn, I'm evil."

In addition, I was fooling around with the concept of an enormous scavenger hunt that would take years to finish and require massive amounts of participants that could group up into teams, when I found out that it's already on. OMG YOU GUYS! The University of Chicago has been doing exactly this since 1987 (That's why I called it deep-dish. 'Cuz it's from Chicago. Delicious deep-dish). Every year, a list of items is compiled; items that boggle the average mind. Number 17 on the list is

Have a beer with:

1. A former candidate for civic office
2. A current candidate for city-wide office
3. A current candidate for state-wide office
4. A current candidate for national office
5. A current candidate for POTUS

In case you're wondering, a beer with Obama or McCain will net you 100 points. Other, slightly more mundane items include a zeusaphone (300 points), a prehensile tail on one team member by the end of the competition (17 points), being able to perform one of the following spells at the judging: Wingardium Leviosa, Relashio, Engorgio, and a corporeal Patronus (five points per spell). Then again you'll get a random item every once in a while, like "A slinky that slinks upstairs. And if you play a video of a slinky going downstairs backwards, I will pee on you." That gets you 25 big ones. Or maybe "Have a Nobel Prize winner or “Weird Al” Yankovic witness your organ donor registration." That's fifteen points (sixteen for Weird Al). Check out the full 2008 list here (PDF). Also, number four on the list.